The Grand Borriballoo (1878)

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Belinda Smith found herself in a very unpleasant position. How it happened is not part of this story, which opens with Belinda hanging by the belt on a hook in a giant’s kitchen.

The cook was heating water, and sharpening knives for the evident purpose of preparing the unhappy girl for the giant’s table, she was just in the act of studying Belinda’s length and breadth with an eye to a dripping pan of the right proportions when the giant entered.

Belinda could see nothing in her terror but a huge unshapely bulk of frightful aspect. Really, however, the giant possessed a jolly, big good-humoured stupid face. Jolly people are apt to be a little stupid.

“No luck again, today.” He said, as he came thumping in. “A pretty dish to sit before the grand Borriballoo, one pitiful child with a spoonful of gravy; and too late today for any more hunting. Is she nice and plump?” as he advanced toward the terrified Belinda.

“Halloo! What’s this?!" Stooping to pick up a bit of paper that had dropped from Belinda’s pocket. As he glanced over the note, which was only a wash bill from Belinda’s mother, who did clearstacking, his countenance changed; he sighed heavily, and repeated the name signed to the note several times in a sad and touching voice; then reached up and unhooked Belinda whom he placed upon a table by his side.

“What is your name, child?” he asked, in a very different voice from that he had used when he entered. “Belinda Smith, you say? Ah yes, that name I have heard before. It is truly a sweet name. You would hardly believe now, that a bluff old fellow like myself had ever been in love? I have. It was your mother child. Many years ago she fell into my hands much as you have done; I had intended her for company, but before long she had

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somehow wound herself into my affections, she implored me to carry her to her father. I did so. From that day to this I have never beheld her. I know now that it would have been better to have eaten her as I intended to do, for then she would have been part of my own being forever. Now it is too late. Like you, she was very plump,” looking dreamily at Belinda.

Lallagagog came at his father’s call and escorted Belinda to her room. He was a saucy awkward lout of a giant boy and disposed to be sulky at the change in the morrow’s bill of fare.

Belinda was too tired to think of the strange things that had occurred, and begging Lallagagog to reach a pillow for her from the immense bed,she lay down upon it and slept until daybreak. In the morning it was some time before she could recall her scattered senses enough to recollect her whereabouts; but Lallagagog’s hoarse voice calling her to breakfast, warned her to be in haste. She dressed rapidly and stepped into the hall where the giant was waiting for her. He led her into the breakfast room. A box had been placed upon a chair for her and the giant lifted her to her place. Her acutest fears now began to dissipate, and she ate her breakfast with a good appetite, and even carried on a conversation with the giant with some diplomacy, giving full accounts of all the members of the Smith familythat she knew anything about, especially of those who had become famous or possessed much political influence, hoping that the

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giant might have some fear of incurring the enmity of so great and influential a race.

The giant listened politely, and looked impressed by what she had said. Suddenly a bright idea seemed to strike him.

“Belinda,” said he kindly, “How old are you?"

“My grandmother was married at fifteen,” remarked the giant.

“Was she indeed?” said Belinda, not knowing what else to say.

“Belinda,” more kindly still, “How would you like to be married?”

A horrible fear took possession of Belinda. Perhaps he wished to marry her himself. He must be a widower, she had seen no woman, yet, about the house but the cook, and for all she knew, giants might, anyhow, have as many wives as old Brigham.

“I—I don’t—know” faltered poor Belinda, bursting into tears.

“Tut, tut, Pshaw!” said the giant in not so kind a voice as before. “I’m not going to eat you, what are you crying for?”

The cry was swallowed instantly, as Belinda made haste to answer “I never thought of such a thing, I assure you! What were you about to say, please?” with a sickly attempt to smile.

“Only this,” said the giant, “that I am going to have company today to dinner; a personnage of great importance;” his voice took a deeper tone. “His Highness the Grand Borriballoo! It is to be quite an affair as it is only a business interview he seeks. I," and he swelled with conscious pride, “am Confidential Matrimonial Adviser to his highness! Of course a personage of his rank could not take the trouble to choose a wife for himself. That is my affair.

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I have been in much perplexity because I could not fix upon an eligible party, when it suddenly occurred to me, why not Belinda? You are certainly of a good family, belonging to a long line of Smiths. And being a protegee of mine gives you standing. Indeed, I consider it a very suitable match on both sides. Now, my dear, just think this matter over. At four precisely I will come for your decision.” Bowing politely he left the room.

Belinda was in a whirl of agitation. What a brilliant future was before her! The Borriballoo, might, to be sure, be as old and ugly as the giant himself: but the bliss of being “My Lady Borriballoo” covered any unpleasant suggestions that arose in her mind. An occasional thought of the red headed boy, who sat next to her at school, and to whom she had been engaged for the past three weeks came to her remembrance once or twice, but was soon forgotten. What chance had a red headed boy beside the grand Borriballoo.

Belinda had one ugly habit of which I am loth to speak. She was very apt to put her thumb in her mouth when thinking. She did so upon this occasion, as she sat wrapped in her reflections, Lallagagog, who had been drowning flies in the cream, and amusing himself in other kindred ways, now turned his attention to Belinda, stepping up softly behind her, he placed one great hand upon her head, the other under her chin, and suddenly snapped her teeth together with a loud laugh.

Lallagagog did a worse mischief than he had intended. His hands were so strong, and the little white teeth so sharp, that Belinda was placed in the awkward predicament of having bitten off her own thumb.

Lallagagog ran off and hid himself, and poor Belinda retired, weeping, to her chamber to bind up her mutilated hand

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and invent an excuse for not appearing at dinner; for she hardly liked to make her first appearance before the Borriballoo with a red nose and swollen eyes, and a bandaged hand.

She finally pleaded a headache, a feeling of uncertainty and insecurity prompting her not to complain of Lallagagog.

When the giant saw her woebegone face, he very readily excused her, saying that if such was her pleasure, he would make all necessary arrangements himself.

Ambition and pride rose in Belinda’s heart, she gave her full consent to the proposed marriage.

In the evening, the giant said that the Grand Borriballoo was perfectly satisfied with the description and account given of the bride elect, and only desired that she should be allowed to remain in strict seclusion until the day of the ceremony, in accordance with the customs of his ancestors.

Preparations for the wedding went on apace, and at length the day arrived. The great hall of the giant’s mansion was decorated with the most elegant taste, and hundreds of brilliant lights flashed upon the jewels and rich dresses of the guests.

At opposite ends of the hall were great doors. These were thrown open simultaneously. Through one entered the Grand Borriballoo leaning upon the arm of the priest, at the same moment that Belinda supported by the giant appeared at the other. Lallagagog followed bearing her train.

All eyes were turned towards the bride; but she saw nothing but the Grand Borriballoo, whom she now met for the first time. His carriage was majestic, and at the same time of a very peculiar grace, caused doubtless by his having three legs, instead of the usual number. His glittering tail was so

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long that as he stood in the centre of the room its extremity reached to the entrance where it was borne by five and twenty pages in gold and white. His heavy locks of ferns and field flowers fell to his waist. His eye, placed in the centre of his forehead, was large and lustrous and full. In short, the most fastidious person could have taken no exception to his personal appearance.

A sudden hush and expectant thrill fell upon the vast assembly as the Grand Borriballoo advanced towards Belinda, tenderly took her hand, gazed long and earnestly into her face, and signed the priest to continue. Why will not the fates allow me to stop here, nor further follow this tale which so suddenly changes to a scene of gloom and horror.

As Belinda, blushing, raised her hand to receive the ring from the Royal Borriballoo, the priest gently said “Your right thumb, if you please; it is the law that only thus a Grand Borriballoo may marry."

Unconsciously Belinda raised her maimed right hand.

The priest shrank back with a cry of horror, and the Grand Borriballoo fell to the floor in a deathlike swoon.

“Ah I shall burst with mortification!” Groaned the giant, which he immediately did with a loud report.

The guests fled in terror, some of them mortally wounded.

The ring, which had dropped from the hand of the bridegroom rolled along the floor to the feet of Lallagagog, who shyly hid it in his mouth. It stuck in his windpipe. In the confusion caused by his father’s explosion he was unnoticed, and soon choked to death.

The whole proceedings were so frightfully indecorous that

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the priest fell into a rage, which was so deep that no ropes would reach him, where he remains to this day.

The end of the Grand Borriballoo was sad beyond belief. Knowing his union with Belinda was now impossible, he fell into a low state, weeping incessantly, neglecting the affairs connected with his rank and office, which consequently fell into other hands about whom his old friends rallied.

His society had become so wearisome to those about him that he was left alone more and more, so that when he had wept his eye out so one was aware of the piteous fact, and he wandered for days in a thick wood adjacent to the castle vainly seeking his way out. At last, glum and weary, suffering intolerably from thirst and hunger, he sunk upon the ground.

“Ah Belinda” moaned he, as he wiped the growing cavern where his eye had been, with his tail, “would I had never beheld thee!” In his anguish he accidentally placed the end of his tail into his mouth; unconsciously, in his delirium, assailed by the pangs of hunger, he began devouring it, and absently ate himself up. No remains were ever found except a few tail scales that his stomach was unable to digest.

As to Belinda, no one knows what became of her.